I don't know what I'm doing...So I should stop.

So I am thankful that when life throws you some pretty severe trials that it doesn't destroy the spirit. In fact, scripture says that trials make us even more alive. So honest to goodness I finally understand what the Lord was saying through James. Now I, not meaning me, but the Holy Spirit giving me wisdom through immense suffering.
It's hard- Meredith and I were talking the other night and I was telling her how thankful I am to be totally broken. Like really really broken. Not that religious term so much of "pop-christianity" has turned it into. That brokeness where you aren't sure if people are going to talk to you anymore, when you have such severe moments of recognizing your own sinfulness that without Christ it would be overwhelming. That type of brokeness where the world seems new again because you no longer are the same person. You have been broken- like a vase and it is never the same once its been shattered into a million pieces. Now this is a completely bizarre sentiment- I get that. Grateful that I have made such a mess of things and so thankful that I am not any of my old self anymore. But here's the deal I am pretty sure that there is no other way I would have learned so much of who the Father is if not for these trials. Now most of them were of my own disobedience but how my soul wells up with joy in the fact that SOVEREIGN Almighty God can use even my own sinfulness to bring me to himself. It's amazing. If that doesn't make you want to tell the lady at Taco Bell or the girl standing in line with you at Target about Christ, not sure what will. It is such good news. It is so good for my wretched soul to know I can admit my total depravity and rest in the fantastic power of God. How could I not be thankful for that for the rest of my life?
I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write this, seeing as how this is why I wanted to even start blogging again. But c'est la vie, right?

Ah and thankful for some amount of self-discipline. I start the gym tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Now in my head I am gonna have a kickin body free of all health ailments and capable of doing any physical activity that I so desire, but I know this will not be true. There will be good days and bad. But the fantastic thing is, is the gym is so nice :) Love it. Love it.

And finally- saw "Julie and Julia". Fantastic. So thankful to a woman who did not give up. Did not falter. Did not compromise. Julia Child- thank you, you have a resilient spirit. You make me want to cook better and more often. What a gem.