Let's pair up

So I've been thinking a bit lately about community/companionship. More specifically companionship. How I wound up here...I began to think how people tend to do a lot of things in pairs. I grew up hearing from my mom that three girls can never be friends, two will always pair up against the other at one point or another. So I started thinking about that in maybe a more positive way. A decade and a half after my uncomfortable fourth and fifth grade years have brought a positive spin on this. Think about it, we have best friends (usually singular), boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives (let's hope all these are singular!). I can remember from a really early age coveting that title of "best friend". Even now I can feel jealousy creep up when my "best friend" hangs out  more with some other way less cool girl. Ha- I'm kidding, well not really. SO I began to ask myself- why do I get jealous? I think because its good to have a companion, someone who has your back exclusively and you've got theirs. Don't get me wrong, I know this can get out of hand, the jealousy, but I think we kid ourselves to say we don't feel this way. It's not true. We do. Whether we operate under the mentality of "shoulds", we do want to be someone's bestest. We were created to be that way. Of course this transfers from friends to boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives. Now I can only speak about my sex, but I can make a good estimation that they need the same. The Lord said it was not "good" for man to be alone- thus he was created a companion (at that he-Adam, was created a woman). Now before things get too sticky here- I am not saying that a man needs a woman, that is another post. So let's let that one go for now.

Driving down the road yesterday though, I spent some time thinking about the sometimes revolving door of best friends. Sometimes we are "fillers" for other people and that can be hard. In romantic relationships they call this "the rebound". I'm not here to demean any of these- I think at points they are necessary, but they simply go to prove that we weren't meant to be alone. Not only were we not meant to be alone we were meant for some type of "pair". I'm not quite sure why people want to ignore this fact, like it is something really horrible. It's not. It's the truth. This doesn't mean that pairings have to be forever- friends come and go, some in seasons and some weather all the storms. It does not negate them when they pass though. Not to say that the passing isn't hard at some points; but I have found that it is a lot easier to think through the relationship, come to terms with the good of it and the timing of it, rejoice in that and then take comfort in the fact that it wasn't meant to continue. I don't always do this well, but who does? I'd actually like to hear some thoughts of this if you care to share?

Pretty Ugly

So it's been a while since I have sincerely written. Not that my previous ramblings weren't sincere, but they were bouncings,  you know creative inspirations. A reflection of my thoughts, not the actual ones per se.

The past month has been an intense journey that has brought me to a halting stop. Truth be known, I will run and run and run until I can't run anymore. My friends and family joked  that the only time I have truly stopped over the past year was when I was in the hospital. I'm terrified to stop, to be completely frank. Yesterday however, I stopped and it was against my will. I fought it hard. I've been fighting it. It's the glorious grace of Christ that hit me like a brick wall. When you run, you can't hear much. I could barely hear Him. And in the exhaustion I chose to listen to the enemy's lies.

My entire life the Almighty has pursued me even and especially when I was chasing something else. He loves me. He deep down sacrificially does. And I show my arse. I do. I turn my nose up at his love and affection and say it is not good enough. Yet, he gently whispers that He knows I am hurting, that I am broken, that I am miserable. WHAT IS THIS TYPE OF LOVE? It cannot be made sense of and it is glorious and intoxicating. It is worth it. Does this mean the hurt leaves? No. Does this mean all things make sense? No. But it does mean I am safe. In His arms, I am safe. I am taken. This world will not have me, though it may try. I have been marked. I do not have to overcome, it already has been done. I just must know Him. In knowing Him, trust Him. In trusting Him, bring glory to Him.

I will not sit at His table pretty. I will have scars. My feet will hurt. Bruises will cove my body. Bones will be broken. But I will rejoice in this day because I will sit at His table. And He will continue to love me and we will be together. And this makes me stop. Now. And breathe.