and..I think too much about myself!

Wow. So I think entirely too much about myself. It's pretty amazing that the Lord has not struck me dead from sheer vanity before now. I mean seriously. I have been overwhelmed by how much time I spend thinking about things that revolve around me. I'll be honest, Satan tries to hide how rewarding it is to spend more time thinking of others and less of ourselves. I mean it just creeps in doesn't it. We have the best ideas, the cutest clothes. We are the smartest people we know. We deserve this, We deserve that. I mean gross. Sincerely gross.
It makes me realize that I have the greatest friends. Some of my friends, honestly Erin in particular, is insanely selfless. I don't mean to call her out and she probably hates the very fact that I do, but she really is amazing. Super talented and humble. I mean truly I could list so many of the people I love and how they spend most of their hours thinking about others, but there is no need. It is Christ in them that causes this and I am more than grateful that the Lord has given them patience and love in their hearts for me. So to all of you my friends- thank you for loving me. (Even though some of you called me out a long time ago- Danielle Anders!)

kickin' and screamin'

Gees. I've always had this problem of a little thing I like to call.....tah-dah, Self-discipline. Thus, I had hoped to write something I was thankful for daily, but I have not. This does not conclude that I am not overwhelmingly thankful, but simply that the Father lavishes his blessing on me that I become gorged with them and am so exhausted that I forget that I must take the time to remember and rejoice in them.
Well that being said. I am thankful for friendships. Okay now before you stop reading listen for a minute. Real friendships. The ones who sit across from you in Mexican restaurants and tell you that they know you aren't perfect and never thought you were and are gonna still love you. The ones who push you just a little outside your comfort zone because they really like you and don't care who knows about it. The ones who ask you the hard questions because they care more about the Father's glory than about my own comfort. Cause a little secret? They know I will only truly be in His comfort if I delight myself in Him and His desires. The human spirit amazes me. And the Lord oh so gently reminds me how quickly I can slip back into thinking that I have the position to judge. I know, I know this might sound ridiculous but sometimes I get overwhelmed by the hurt I see. (Now don't get me wrong, my flesh gets the best of me a lot of the time and I get really impatient with people.)
For example, I work with this girl....at some place...in some town. And well, she's hurting. She shovels herself out to any and all men that might give her some attention. She's angry I can tell. She lies. She doesn't like me for one reason or the other. And frankly that really gets under my skin. But my brother asked me the other day if I was reaching out to her. Loving her. And I had to say I wasn't. I was letting that creepy little beast of pride crawl back in. The Lord used that one question to remind my spirit that I am that girl I work with, or at least I used to be. All alone. Searching. Reaching for anything that might make that deep nagging go away. I am so thankful to be reminded that the more someone screams, the more they are hurting. No matter how bothersome I might in my selfish world think those screams are...they are cries of someone. A sinner. Just like me. Wanting a savior and perhaps not know Him.

Please read...

So things aren't always easy. However, I will say this, the Lord is so extremely faithful and I love him so much for that. Love doesn't even seem like the right word for it simply because I use it so often. I am in love with him and I know that I have never been in love before. I think it would be harder to distinguish if I had felt that earthly love, but right now I am just thankful that I have not. I am overjoyed that my Lord is the ultimate Healer. If I'm to be honest, there is simply no reason that I should be this at peace right now in my life. My story is a that of a wretch and a wretch I am for sure, but He sought me with a determined love.
I look back on the past year, and pretty much a lot of my life, and my heart breaks for who I was. I am not sure I know her all that well anymore, and for that I am overjoyed. It is sad though, the lost girl I used to be. Sad in a way that truly deep down breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Trying so hard to be something I never was intended to be. Becoming exhausted for all the wrong reasons. I was stressed beyond reason to try and find love and it landed me in the most horrible and miserable of places. My heart is still healing and as some might say, still bleeding a bit, but He is healing my wounds. (Self-inflicted or not) I want to tell her she is loved. That she has been set apart as Holy, but she wouldn't listen I know.
My soul truly does well up with praise. Why me? I'm not really sure, but I am blessed beyond measure, beyond reason, beyond qualification. We serve a mighty Holy and simply put amazing God. I wish my soul was at liberty to share with all of you the miracles He has performed in my life. I don't think I have even been able to process them all.
The road is long before me in this process of striving to become more like my Father, but with the strength I desperately beg from Him, He will make my life fruitful. For His glory. He is faithful. My God is faithful to save.

Trinkles of delight...

Wow- its been a long long time. Well not really just like a week or so, therefore not totally clear as to where to start....
Went to the beach. I love the beach love love love it. I know this may be hard to believe, but this is the first time my friends have ever invited me to the beach. It was stinkin' amazing. I usually go with the family and that's fun, but well you know fun of a different sort. Neways...we just relaxed. I didn't get as tan as I normally do, but that seems to be less and less important as I get older. I need to add here that I was graciously asked to go because Brandi's husband Shane decided to go to Cleveland (lame), but fantastic for me. We walked around Rosemary beach, which is a delightful little beach town. Kinda like some part of Italy dropped down into the good portion of Flordia. Here's a little info on it if you'd like to take a gander. Honestly, I think it might be one of the greatest places I've ever tromped around. It tops my list on places I really want to stay. We ate at a really good restaurant called Paradis. It was pretty close to the definition of its name. Brandi and I shared this amazing chocolate cheesecake for desert with french press coffee. Now that's something to be thankful for. It was just great food, fantastic conversation and godly fellowship. Couldn't have ever deserved such a blessing.

I stole some pics from everybody so I'm gonna put some on here, well just so you can get the general awesomeness idea.
The beach...you know, crystal clear waters, slight breeze. Amazing.

The History Channel and the Mayans- I mean seriously what get's better? Clearly Brandi and I think little does.


Okay so I had to put this on here. Our last day we stopped at Amavida coffee. Fantatic coffee and lattes by the way and these two kids had these matching hats on. Had to take a picture of that. No explanation needed.Reid Chapman- and yes he kept the sunglasses on of his own free stylin.

For now, that's it. My soul wells up with thanksgiving.

Macaroons, Fish, Chips...Well Europe I guess?

Oh my goodness. Ah today-good. Ruthie's birthday party was tonight and it was just fabulous. I really love these guys. Malinda made the best macaroons. Seriously delicious. If I had a picture I would post them, but I did tell Mal that I would post a pic of one of the greatest dessert eating experiences I have ever had. Laduree. Paris. Just me. Here is their website. This is for the one I went to. The site is in French, but basically they started in 1862, serious, when Paris was well let's just saying going through a "nouveau visage" or a face lift. My obsession with them started when I lived in Paris. I could never get anyone to go with me( I'll be honest these little guys are pretty pricey.). So finally on one of my trips back I said the heck with this I'm gonna just go by myself. So I had a great cup of coffee some macaroons and just watched all the old parisian women talk so politely and sip their own cups. It was kinda raining outside. The experience I will remember I think forever. Here's a picture of my plate afterwards. Yum.
So I've been having a lot of conversations about Europe lately and I'm not sure why, but I just love love love talking about traveling. So the next few posts will probably include some travel tips and let's call it some European fun.

Today I'm also really thankful for honest friends. I have some of the best one's around. I feel really loved. There is a trust there that really can only be explained when the Lord has nurtured a relationship.

Finally, since this is a great deal about food- my friend Nicole invited me over the other night for fish and chips. I thought duh? Fish-good. Chips-good. Beer-good. Company-good. So in the fashion that sometimes happens, Nicole bought the "stuff" (fish, chips, beer) and when cooking time came in, well Jonathan got his hands on it. People- it's amazing. I am really blessed to have friends who can cook so good. So instead of cod, we used catfish. Fantastic. It was beer-battered then deep fried. Jonathan made this incredible sauce, as the usual, we ate and I have never bought anything so good. Now my clothes do still smell like fried food, but I highly recommend either trying this out or getting to know Jonathan.

So it's been a while and that's pretty normal for me. Consistency is not something that readily comes to me. But here is to my try. So today- I'm thankful for brokenness. I know- it's a struggle to even say without sounding overwhelmingly cheesey. It's true though. Deep down brokenness. I have no NO idea what the Lord is doing with my life, but I know I have never been more moldable than I am right now. Anything and everything he is going to do in my life- it's all Him. I have nothing and bring nothing to the table. So here's my procolmation to the world, my life, it's His. Anything that comes from me, anything worthy of praise or recognition, it's him. I have nothing to do with it. This is not self-deprication, its fact. It is for the first time seeing myself it the light of who he is and who I am. The glory within me is from the almighty sovereign Lord. I am so thankful He brings wisdom to my heart. Glory to you Gracious Lord. I rejoice in your future provision and your momentary sustaining.

On a few different notes....
1. Take a gander at this blog if you have the chance. Nancy Wilson has been entrusted with much wisdom from the Father, and I am so thankful that I can glean from what the Lord is teaching her. http://femina.reformedblogs.com/
2. Listen to the new Imogen Heap album. She is absolutely fantastic. Not a bad song on the album really. Some are better than others, but all are immensely entertaining.
3. The new Needtobreathe is pretty good to, if you are itchin for some new music.

Exciting faithfulness

Right now I am so thankful that the Lord has protected me from bitterness. I have seen it quietly go in, without notice even, and tear people's lives apart. Maybe it tore mine apart for a while but the Lord has freed me from it. And I in no way could ever think that I have kept myself from this creeping monster. The sovereign Lord has done this, for his glory I can only imagine.
I hate this for people- bitterness. It's like they don't even notice its there really. I mean I guess I didn't really know it was there until it was too late, and I had let it quench my soul. It is something though that must be constantly prayed against. I have to boldly go before the throne and ask the Father for continued strength and wisdom. It is NO lie that the enemy comes to kill steal and destroy- it is so true. If only we could grasp how much he, the clever cunning one, desires to lure us away with momentary treats and temporary thrills. If only we could see this sooner, but the mighty God has a plan even in satan's scheming. Nothing is out of the Father's hand. Nothing.
So even though these past few days have been tough there is so much to rejoice in. He alone is faithful and all good things come from him. His faithfulness excites me-truly.