Carnal Men...

“Carnal men and women do not know their own spirits, and therefore they fling and vex themselves at every affliction that befalls them, they do not know what disorders are in their hearts which may be healed by their afflictions, if it pleases God to give them a sanctified use of them.” Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment


It is oh so easy to become engulfed in our own trials. Consumed. Selfish. Blinded. I can remember when I was in high school and one of my best friends died. I was sitting in my kitchen and a talk show was on and I can remember thinking: "Why is everyone laughing? Don't they know Wes just died?" They didn't. Not only did they not know, they didn't care. Who was Wes to them? I am not saying that I shouldn't have  mourned for my friend. I was in a state of loss and grief, but I was being consumed by it- SO much so that I could not understand why the world wasn't mourning with me. I am aware that this is an extreme example, but I do this often in my daily life. I begin to think too much of myself. Hear me out here- I spend entirely too much time "flinging and vexing" myself at ALL types of afflictions. Thinking about how I am too selfish, HA, that's ironic right? Thinking about how I've made poor choices and what that says about my heart. Now I am not saying that we should not be metacognitive in our lives, but the amount of weight I feel with these thoughts is unbalanced. If ONLY I spent more time thinking about what others need. How they could be loved, my afflictions would pale in comparison. This is my battle and it has to be a conscious choice. We are a people among the fall of man. Broken. In dire utter need of saving. Dependent on Grace. Wholly. And it is a beautiful thing. To love something more than we love ourselves. 


I mess up though. I forget. I let the world get the best of me and my flesh rears its ugly head. And this is the crux for me. I have to hope in the Lord. In His people, that they will show me grace, that they understand my brokenness perhaps better than I do...


To those who have stood by me as I walk, stumble and fall on this journey- I want to say thank you. I love you so much. You have been the voice of the Lord in my life. You have been his arms when I fall. You have been his light when I couldn't see my way. 

Let's pair up

So I've been thinking a bit lately about community/companionship. More specifically companionship. How I wound up here...I began to think how people tend to do a lot of things in pairs. I grew up hearing from my mom that three girls can never be friends, two will always pair up against the other at one point or another. So I started thinking about that in maybe a more positive way. A decade and a half after my uncomfortable fourth and fifth grade years have brought a positive spin on this. Think about it, we have best friends (usually singular), boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives (let's hope all these are singular!). I can remember from a really early age coveting that title of "best friend". Even now I can feel jealousy creep up when my "best friend" hangs out  more with some other way less cool girl. Ha- I'm kidding, well not really. SO I began to ask myself- why do I get jealous? I think because its good to have a companion, someone who has your back exclusively and you've got theirs. Don't get me wrong, I know this can get out of hand, the jealousy, but I think we kid ourselves to say we don't feel this way. It's not true. We do. Whether we operate under the mentality of "shoulds", we do want to be someone's bestest. We were created to be that way. Of course this transfers from friends to boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives. Now I can only speak about my sex, but I can make a good estimation that they need the same. The Lord said it was not "good" for man to be alone- thus he was created a companion (at that he-Adam, was created a woman). Now before things get too sticky here- I am not saying that a man needs a woman, that is another post. So let's let that one go for now.

Driving down the road yesterday though, I spent some time thinking about the sometimes revolving door of best friends. Sometimes we are "fillers" for other people and that can be hard. In romantic relationships they call this "the rebound". I'm not here to demean any of these- I think at points they are necessary, but they simply go to prove that we weren't meant to be alone. Not only were we not meant to be alone we were meant for some type of "pair". I'm not quite sure why people want to ignore this fact, like it is something really horrible. It's not. It's the truth. This doesn't mean that pairings have to be forever- friends come and go, some in seasons and some weather all the storms. It does not negate them when they pass though. Not to say that the passing isn't hard at some points; but I have found that it is a lot easier to think through the relationship, come to terms with the good of it and the timing of it, rejoice in that and then take comfort in the fact that it wasn't meant to continue. I don't always do this well, but who does? I'd actually like to hear some thoughts of this if you care to share?

Pretty Ugly

So it's been a while since I have sincerely written. Not that my previous ramblings weren't sincere, but they were bouncings,  you know creative inspirations. A reflection of my thoughts, not the actual ones per se.

The past month has been an intense journey that has brought me to a halting stop. Truth be known, I will run and run and run until I can't run anymore. My friends and family joked  that the only time I have truly stopped over the past year was when I was in the hospital. I'm terrified to stop, to be completely frank. Yesterday however, I stopped and it was against my will. I fought it hard. I've been fighting it. It's the glorious grace of Christ that hit me like a brick wall. When you run, you can't hear much. I could barely hear Him. And in the exhaustion I chose to listen to the enemy's lies.

My entire life the Almighty has pursued me even and especially when I was chasing something else. He loves me. He deep down sacrificially does. And I show my arse. I do. I turn my nose up at his love and affection and say it is not good enough. Yet, he gently whispers that He knows I am hurting, that I am broken, that I am miserable. WHAT IS THIS TYPE OF LOVE? It cannot be made sense of and it is glorious and intoxicating. It is worth it. Does this mean the hurt leaves? No. Does this mean all things make sense? No. But it does mean I am safe. In His arms, I am safe. I am taken. This world will not have me, though it may try. I have been marked. I do not have to overcome, it already has been done. I just must know Him. In knowing Him, trust Him. In trusting Him, bring glory to Him.

I will not sit at His table pretty. I will have scars. My feet will hurt. Bruises will cove my body. Bones will be broken. But I will rejoice in this day because I will sit at His table. And He will continue to love me and we will be together. And this makes me stop. Now. And breathe.

We get by with a little help from our friends!

So last night the ladies and I went out for what turned into a little dance party. Now, I know Friday's are inspiration day, but I had to include this little bit because my friends inspired me last night to just have a fantastic time. (This was not too terribly hard.)

This one is hilarious to me. Clearly we were all in the moment!

Most of us. Minus Allison and Ciera. 

Now on to the Inspiration Board. I really am in love with natural coloring right now and toss in some navy. 

It's Fri-TIE-DYE-day!

So this inspiration board is a little all over the place. My friend Tris and I are doing a little DIY project tonight. Everywhere you look there is a little tie-dye, so we decided to make our own. I'll let you know how it turns out. Here is where I pulled some of my inspiration and a little more. It's a bit random, but I can appreciate that.

Now I'm not sure how many of you actually read my blog, but if you do...how do you feel about the inspiration boards? Did you like the singular pictures better or the inspiration boards? Just thoughts.

Absolute Friday.

  "Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts." - minor white. 

These are my current inspiration boards.  

I feel like I need the hotpink outfit and couch and well shoes- Ok the entire thing. 

There is a bouquet made out of old broaches! Gorgeous. 

And well the tea table of macrons, I want to eat the entire thing daily. 

This color palette I adore right now. Here is how I see this happening. I want to be the girl on the bridge in Paris, I want my bedroom to be the one to the right of her, I want both fireplaces, and a SWING in my living room. How fantastic? 

 Then to finish, two things I didn't want to add to the boards. They stand alone. I love this. It says "It is never too late to change who you want to be." 

To finish- another ocean shot. I love this. The sea in the rain. Gorgeous. 

A lovely Friday stroll...

Apparently I am on a blog-posting-picture-loving kick right now. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! This is my make do inspiration book at the moment.

I want this succulent garden. Isn't it just beautiful?

Okay this bed is in a retreat in Africa. It is simply amazing. Doesn't it seem so comfy and exotic?

Most importantly this bed/room is on the Grand Canal in Venice. I might not leave the room.

Now this is camping or living? Not so sure, but I don't think I'd mind it for a while...

enough said.

My new favorite flower. The peony. Je t'aime. 

I just recently got back from the beach and wanted to 

                                                    try and capture how the ocean makes me feel. This picture was perfect. 

I think I would feel awesome and at ease sitting here. I fell in love with the wall.

I went here every Sunday after church while I lived                                                                                in Paris. It was such a place of solace for me.

This is my favorite place in Paris by day...by night.