Stories

Carnal Men...

2010-08-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

“Carnal men and women do not know their own spirits, and therefore they fling and vex themselves at every affliction that befalls them, they do not know what disorders are in their hearts which may be healed by their afflictions, if it pleases God to give them a sanctified use of them.” Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment

It is oh so easy to become engulfed in our own trials. Consumed. Selfish. Blinded. I can remember when I was in high school and one of my best friends died. I was sitting in my kitchen and a talk show was on and I can remember thinking: "Why is everyone laughing? Don't they know Wes just died?" They didn't. Not only did they not know, they didn't care. Who was Wes to them? I am not saying that I shouldn't have mourned for my friend. I was in a state of loss and grief, but I was being consumed by it- SO much so that I could not understand why the world wasn't mourning with me. I am aware that this is an extreme example, but I do this often in my daily life. I begin to think too much of myself. Hear me out here- I spend entirely too much time "flinging and vexing" myself at ALL types of afflictions. Thinking about how I am too selfish, HA, that's ironic right? Thinking about how I've made poor choices and what that says about my heart. Now I am not saying that we should not be metacognitive in our lives, but the amount of weight I feel with these thoughts is unbalanced. If ONLY I spent more time thinking about what others need. How they could be loved, my afflictions would pale in comparison. This is my battle and it has to be a conscious choice. We are a people among the fall of man. Broken. In dire utter need of saving. Dependent on Grace. Wholly. And it is a beautiful thing. To love something more than we love ourselves.

I mess up though. I forget. I let the world get the best of me and my flesh rears its ugly head. And this is the crux for me. I have to hope in the Lord. In His people, that they will show me grace, that they understand my brokenness perhaps better than I do...

To those who have stood by me as I walk, stumble and fall on this journey- I want to say thank you. I love you so much. You have been the voice of the Lord in my life. You have been his arms when I fall. You have been his light when I couldn't see my way.

Let's pair up

2010-07-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking a bit lately about community/companionship. More specifically companionship. How I wound up here...I began to think how people tend to do a lot of things in pairs. I grew up hearing from my mom that three girls can never be friends, two will always pair up against the other at one point or another. So I started thinking about that in maybe a more positive way. A decade and a half after my uncomfortable fourth and fifth grade years have brought a positive spin on this. Think about it, we have best friends (usually singular), boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives (let's hope all these are singular!). I can remember from a really early age coveting that title of "best friend". Even now I can feel jealousy creep up when my "best friend" hangs out more with some other way less cool girl. Ha- I'm kidding, well not really. SO I began to ask myself- why do I get jealous? I think because its good to have a companion, someone who has your back exclusively and you've got theirs. Don't get me wrong, I know this can get out of hand, the jealousy, but I think we kid ourselves to say we don't feel this way. It's not true. We do. Whether we operate under the mentality of "shoulds", we do want to be someone's bestest. We were created to be that way. Of course this transfers from friends to boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives. Now I can only speak about my sex, but I can make a good estimation that they need the same. The Lord said it was not "good" for man to be alone- thus he was created a companion (at that he-Adam, was created a woman). Now before things get too sticky here- I am not saying that a man needs a woman, that is another post. So let's let that one go for now.

Driving down the road yesterday though, I spent some time thinking about the sometimes revolving door of best friends. Sometimes we are "fillers" for other people and that can be hard. In romantic relationships they call this "the rebound". I'm not here to demean any of these- I think at points they are necessary, but they simply go to prove that we weren't meant to be alone. Not only were we not meant to be alone we were meant for some type of "pair". I'm not quite sure why people want to ignore this fact, like it is something really horrible. It's not. It's the truth. This doesn't mean that pairings have to be forever- friends come and go, some in seasons and some weather all the storms. It does not negate them when they pass though. Not to say that the passing isn't hard at some points; but I have found that it is a lot easier to think through the relationship, come to terms with the good of it and the timing of it, rejoice in that and then take comfort in the fact that it wasn't meant to continue. I don't always do this well, but who does? I'd actually like to hear some thoughts of this if you care to share?

Pretty Ugly

2010-07-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since I have sincerely written. Not that my previous ramblings weren't sincere, but they were bouncings, you know creative inspirations. A reflection of my thoughts, not the actual ones per se.

The past month has been an intense journey that has brought me to a halting stop. Truth be known, I will run and run and run until I can't run anymore. My friends and family joked that the only time I have truly stopped over the past year was when I was in the hospital. I'm terrified to stop, to be completely frank. Yesterday however, I stopped and it was against my will. I fought it hard. I've been fighting it. It's the glorious grace of Christ that hit me like a brick wall. When you run, you can't hear much. I could barely hear Him. And in the exhaustion I chose to listen to the enemy's lies.

My entire life the Almighty has pursued me even and especially when I was chasing something else. He loves me. He deep down sacrificially does. And I show my arse. I do. I turn my nose up at his love and affection and say it is not good enough. Yet, he gently whispers that He knows I am hurting, that I am broken, that I am miserable. WHAT IS THIS TYPE OF LOVE? It cannot be made sense of and it is glorious and intoxicating. It is worth it. Does this mean the hurt leaves? No. Does this mean all things make sense? No. But it does mean I am safe. In His arms, I am safe. I am taken. This world will not have me, though it may try. I have been marked. I do not have to overcome, it already has been done. I just must know Him. In knowing Him, trust Him. In trusting Him, bring glory to Him.

I will not sit at His table pretty. I will have scars. My feet will hurt. Bruises will cove my body. Bones will be broken. But I will rejoice in this day because I will sit at His table. And He will continue to love me and we will be together. And this makes me stop. Now. And breathe.

We get by with a little help from our friends!

2010-06-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

So last night the ladies and I went out for what turned into a little dance party. Now, I know Friday's are inspiration day, but I had to include this little bit because my friends inspired me last night to just have a fantastic time. (This was not too terribly hard.)

This one is hilarious to me. Clearly we were all in the moment!

Most of us. Minus Allison and Ciera.

Now on to the Inspiration Board. I really am in love with natural coloring right now and toss in some navy.

It's Fri-TIE-DYE-day!

2010-06-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

So this inspiration board is a little all over the place. My friend Tris and I are doing a little DIY project tonight. Everywhere you look there is a little tie-dye, so we decided to make our own. I'll let you know how it turns out. Here is where I pulled some of my inspiration and a little more. It's a bit random, but I can appreciate that.

Now I'm not sure how many of you actually read my blog, but if you do...how do you feel about the inspiration boards? Did you like the singular pictures better or the inspiration boards? Just thoughts.

Absolute Friday.

2010-06-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

"Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts." - minor white.

These are my current inspiration boards.

I feel like I need the hotpink outfit and couch and well shoes- Ok the entire thing.

There is a bouquet made out of old broaches! Gorgeous.

And well the tea table of macrons, I want to eat the entire thing daily.

This color palette I adore right now. Here is how I see this happening. I want to be the girl on the bridge in Paris, I want my bedroom to be the one to the right of her, I want both fireplaces, and a SWING in my living room. How fantastic?

Then to finish, two things I didn't want to add to the boards. They stand alone. I love this. It says "It is never too late to change who you want to be."

To finish- another ocean shot. I love this. The sea in the rain. Gorgeous.

A lovely Friday stroll...

2010-06-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am on a blog-posting-picture-loving kick right now. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! This is my make do inspiration book at the moment.

I want this succulent garden. Isn't it just beautiful?

Okay this bed is in a retreat in Africa. It is simply amazing. Doesn't it seem so comfy and exotic?

Most importantly this bed/room is on the Grand Canal in Venice. I might not leave the room.

Now this is camping or living? Not so sure, but I don't think I'd mind it for a while...

enough said.

My new favorite flower. The peony. Je t'aime.

I just recently got back from the beach and wanted to

try and capture how the ocean makes me feel. This picture was perfect.

I think I would feel awesome and at ease sitting here. I fell in love with the wall.

I went here every Sunday after church while I lived in Paris. It was such a place of solace for me.

This is my favorite place in Paris by day...by night.

A few of the things I love...right now.

2010-05-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

I want to wear this everyday. AND walk around in these halls. Gorgeous.

With the weather like it is, a tingy of heat and perfect nights, I want to sit right there on that rock and read. To be honest, I'd probably lay down on the rock and fall asleep.

Every year in Brussels, they take begonias and create art in the square. I have until August to book my flight!

This gorgeous apartment is in my city- Paris. And so is this bedroom, which I will gladly reproduce and claim as my own.

All I can say is yes please to these Christian Louboutin

And I'd sit right here and wear them and drink wine and laugh til I cried.

I will remember this and have it when camping outdoors is simply not an option.

Inspiration books. I will start a new one very very soon.

Darks Only You Know

2010-05-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

In the Darks Only You
   know of me
I am Changed
Screaming
Pools of water cloud me
A mosaic of colors
   Broken parts
Crushed
   And brought
   together by a
Sovereign
   hand
In His own image.

Stories

2010-05-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

So many questions circle round and round in my head. I turned 28 this year. Funny enough I actually really like that age. It's brought a sense of contentment that my younger 20's never shared with me. I was somewhat of a disaster right out of college. I'm not saying that from time to time that I'm not still a complete mess, but it's different now. Grace I guess has a lot to do with it.

I'm surrounded by so many wonderful gracious people. However, I have noticed that the overarching quality people are tending to notice about me is my inquisitive nature. My friend Catie finally asked me the other night "Why are you so inquisitive Cara?" Now, she in no way was saying, "Stop that. That's annoying," but I think she was just genuinely curious. My response- I used to think I knew it all. I had no reason to ask questions. But a few things happened. I hit a hard brick wall of pride and both of us broke. When I went to get up, it wasn't pretty. I was bleeding a lot, but people heard my quiet shameful cries for help. My recovery birthed a great deal of things- one of them my screaming awareness of how much I didn't know and how much I loved the people that were loving me in return. So now I can't help but ask people their stories. What more could we desire than to know and be known? And on top of all that love them. I didn't know how to do that when I was under the impression I was "clean". By no means do I know how to do that perfectly now, but I have the "want" to. To me, that's the most important.

We are all broken, whether we understand that or not. I've been fortunate enough to become really aware of most of my pieces. So that's the short version...ask me some questions if you wanna know more.

Photography....Photography...

2010-04-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting around today and looking at some friend's engagement photographs and I thought...I should write about photography. Plain and simple. That is how this post came about. Ok. So now you know.

I am constantly surrounded by incredibly gifted photographers and I check out their stuff from time to time. At this point in my life all I have for photography is a natural liking and interest. Let's add on top of that an amazing amount of appreciation. So many details go in to this particular art. Here is what I've noticed about good photographers. First and foremost- (some of them might hate me for this) they are excellent with people. You can't really show an incredible side of life if its all freaked out, nervous, jittery, and self-editing. These artist have to be people who make others feel at ease, or else they just shoot food, nature and architecture I guess. I think you can know all there is to know about lighting and it not be enough because you weird people out to the point that all your pictures turn out terrible. So that's one thing I know for sure about photography.

The second is lighting. Oh MY GOODNESS. Lighting is essential. I mean I know people say that all the time, but you guys...I'm here to tell you it is true. Bad lighting= not good. Great lighting= excellent show stopping pictures. Now here's what I think, since you are reading this we will assume you care, good lighting you might not notice, but bad lighting, oh bad lighting you will for sure! It can be just the smallest little change that makes the biggest difference.

I'll add more to this later, but a recommendation of mine is befriend a photographer. They are excellent people to keep company with! They tend to be quite passionate about their art and will gladly explain their learnings/findings.

Spring, Sigur Ros, Progress and Potential

2010-04-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

A small note that none of you may realize...I must stop trying to title my blog posts before I write them.

Ok enough of that randomness. So on one of the greatest days to be thankful...here goes a plethora of thankfulness. In absolutely no particular order, except when they pop into my head.

1. Music. I love it. I love those moments when the music or the song is the exact one you want to hear at that moment. Where it makes me close my eyes and just smile (So long as I am not driving.) It's like someone is creating a soundtrack for your life and they just got it right. Music that I love right now? Sigur Ros. Those guys just let me take a deep breath. And most country music. Now I know this is a wide range of appreciation, but I've been missing my grandparents and well my "roots" lately for that matter. Country music reminds me of all of that. It grounds me. So there. I said it. Bluegrass to Reba. Give it all to me today.

2. Jesus. What sweet salvation. My depraved, lost, damned life has be REDEEMED. It has been restored. Given breath. I was lost. Confused. Blind. Empty. Aching. He came so that I might have joy. Abundant joy. Even with trials and tests- Christ has saved me. HE loves me. HE sought me. Why would I not be overjoyed?

3. Fantastic weather. I love Spring. It is my favorite season. Yeah I know the pollen sucks, but everything has life again. I can eat outside. I can read outside. I can sleep outside. The days are longer so I can take walks with friends for hours on end. Sometimes I get so excited about Spring I could run around in circles.

4. My friends. I love them. They inspire me. However, one of the things I love most about them is that they love me and that brings so many other things into play. That means they listen. They try their best to empathize with me. They challenge me and ask me the tough questions. They are protective. (One of the things I cherish most about them.) They are my support. I am a communicator and sometimes an over-communicator and they let me talk things out. Even when they are exhausted.

5. Quiet time. Slowing down. Having the fortunate opportunity to think and just clear my head.

6. Progress. If you knew me a year ago you would see the road behind me and see how far the Lord has brought me. My soul has come so far. It still has a long way to go. By no means am I tooting my own horn here, but how glorious! It is amazing to see the progress that's been made in a matter of months. I'm not even the same person. I don't know her. (But that's another post. Read an old one. I'm sure you'll get the picture.) Forward progression. It gives me a heart for those that are stuck or feel hopeless. You are not alone. Keep moving. It'll take time but be gracious with yourself. You will heal faster than you realize. Try your hardest to not look back. Know that that brings little good to you. I am not saying don't recognize where you have come from, but don't look wishfully back or shamefully for that matter.

7. Potential. There are so many possibilities right now. I am just really optimistic about them all. So here's to potential in a great many areas of my life.

2010-03-03T13:04:00.001-08:00

Perfect Grace (especially for my second family)

2010-03-03T11:55:00.000-08:00

So I'm not perfect. Revolutionary thought right? For me I have to tell myself that daily. Sometimes moment to moment. I am going to fail. I am not going to do things right. People will be disappointed in me. That is okay. Ok...Somewhere deep inside I find it a driving desire to not disappoint, or well I used to. I still struggle with that idea, but do you know what is amazing? When people love you through your brokenness. Now I don't want to beat a dead horse (uh) but I am astounded that people love me the way they do. Even though I am a screw-up, over-dramatic, extremely passionate, brutally honest, impatient and the list could go on and on in my strengths and weaknesses; they still love me. I think this is one of the reasons I am so honest with people...I am afraid they are going to find something out about me and then decide they don't really love me. Now I say one because I know it is not the only reason. I truly can't be any other way but transparent. I will communicate til I am blue in the face and then I will talk about how I am blue in the face and why I am blue. You get it? And here is a little shout out....For the people that I live with day in and day out...mostly the people I work with I love you very very much. You are like my second family. You know me really well. Embarassingly well. You make me laugh. You've seen my brokenness more recently than any others. And we fight the good fight together. Again...I LOVE YOU!

How divided we live

2010-02-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

So this whole thing- writing for other people to read was founded on the basis of thankfulness. Through the past year of blinding brokenness, clarity did shine. Through that I realized I had lived most of my life not being grateful. Deep down in my spirit, joyful for everything you know? What was I thinking? I had been so blinded by my own greed and egocentric mentality that nothing seemed good enough. Then well....everything hit the fan. My selfishness over took me and I fell. I fell hard, face first. Ugly. Really ugly. Things got bad. I didn't recognize myself or what I was doing. My friends didn't know me. (And some just didn't care to and I don't blame them.) It was scary. But then somehow the Lord saved me. Without me even knowing how it happened. I woke up. And that wasn't pretty either, but it was glorious. And wounds from our destruction heal slowly and they leave scars, but how they serve as reminders.

So why would I not be overwhelmingly thankful? I have people who know me- GRAND flaws and all. That is so rare. Genuinely rare. I am known and I have friends who still love me. Not still love me, but love me for my brokenness. All this to say...drink it in. Live life. Let people know you. More importantly get to know people. Pray to love them. There are few things more rewarding.

It was the best of times...It was the worst of times.

2010-01-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

I thought the other day how easily we are lulled into a stooper. I don't live "awake" all the time. Okay I know I have already lost some of you, but seriously how many of us truly live. We just go about our day and not think about much. We go to work and become perhaps annoyed by those very people who do live each day to the fullest. I read today this quote from the great Mr. Lewis and he said, "The great thing with unhappy times is to take them bit by bit, hour by hour, like an illness. It is seldom the present, the exact present, that is unbearable.Remember one is given strength to bear what happens to one, but not the 100 and 1 different things that might happen." I do this all the time! Yes, our times could be labled as unhappy, but why would they not be? I mean seriously we live in a FALLEN world. But our gracious Lord gives us the ability to not know the future and for that I am so grateful.
I quite frankly enjoy contentment. I have been at some pretty unhealthy "happy" places and Satan makes his playground in those reveries. So delight yourself in the Lord. He is constant amidst these troubles and don't be mistaken they are bad. But we must only press forward.

Now here is where I might truly lose some of you. Let's think about the disaster in Haiti. It is bad yes. But being overwhelmed by the grief and desperation is pointless. Literally pointless. Yes we ache for them, but then we do what we are called to do. Serve. Be productive. Share the gospel. And here is the deal-perhaps in all of this, this is what Haiti needed. Think about it. Restructuring can happen now. Rebuilding. People know more about Haiti then they ever did. People are listening. And they will forget, all humanitarian efforts fade when they are solely done for morality's sake, but people are paying attention now and things are being made new. This is something to rejoice about.

and..I think too much about myself!

2009-10-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Wow. So I think entirely too much about myself. It's pretty amazing that the Lord has not struck me dead from sheer vanity before now. I mean seriously. I have been overwhelmed by how much time I spend thinking about things that revolve around me. I'll be honest, Satan tries to hide how rewarding it is to spend more time thinking of others and less of ourselves. I mean it just creeps in doesn't it. We have the best ideas, the cutest clothes. We are the smartest people we know. We deserve this, We deserve that. I mean gross. Sincerely gross.
It makes me realize that I have the greatest friends. Some of my friends, honestly Erin in particular, is insanely selfless. I don't mean to call her out and she probably hates the very fact that I do, but she really is amazing. Super talented and humble. I mean truly I could list so many of the people I love and how they spend most of their hours thinking about others, but there is no need. It is Christ in them that causes this and I am more than grateful that the Lord has given them patience and love in their hearts for me. So to all of you my friends- thank you for loving me. (Even though some of you called me out a long time ago- Danielle Anders!)

kickin' and screamin'

2009-09-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

Gees. I've always had this problem of a little thing I like to call.....tah-dah, Self-discipline. Thus, I had hoped to write something I was thankful for daily, but I have not. This does not conclude that I am not overwhelmingly thankful, but simply that the Father lavishes his blessing on me that I become gorged with them and am so exhausted that I forget that I must take the time to remember and rejoice in them.
Well that being said. I am thankful for friendships. Okay now before you stop reading listen for a minute. Real friendships. The ones who sit across from you in Mexican restaurants and tell you that they know you aren't perfect and never thought you were and are gonna still love you. The ones who push you just a little outside your comfort zone because they really like you and don't care who knows about it. The ones who ask you the hard questions because they care more about the Father's glory than about my own comfort. Cause a little secret? They know I will only truly be in His comfort if I delight myself in Him and His desires. The human spirit amazes me. And the Lord oh so gently reminds me how quickly I can slip back into thinking that I have the position to judge. I know, I know this might sound ridiculous but sometimes I get overwhelmed by the hurt I see. (Now don't get me wrong, my flesh gets the best of me a lot of the time and I get really impatient with people.)
For example, I work with this girl....at some place...in some town. And well, she's hurting. She shovels herself out to any and all men that might give her some attention. She's angry I can tell. She lies. She doesn't like me for one reason or the other. And frankly that really gets under my skin. But my brother asked me the other day if I was reaching out to her. Loving her. And I had to say I wasn't. I was letting that creepy little beast of pride crawl back in. The Lord used that one question to remind my spirit that I am that girl I work with, or at least I used to be. All alone. Searching. Reaching for anything that might make that deep nagging go away. I am so thankful to be reminded that the more someone screams, the more they are hurting. No matter how bothersome I might in my selfish world think those screams are...they are cries of someone. A sinner. Just like me. Wanting a savior and perhaps not know Him.

Please read...

2009-09-19T20:45:00.001-07:00

So things aren't always easy. However, I will say this, the Lord is so extremely faithful and I love him so much for that. Love doesn't even seem like the right word for it simply because I use it so often. I am in love with him and I know that I have never been in love before. I think it would be harder to distinguish if I had felt that earthly love, but right now I am just thankful that I have not. I am overjoyed that my Lord is the ultimate Healer. If I'm to be honest, there is simply no reason that I should be this at peace right now in my life. My story is a that of a wretch and a wretch I am for sure, but He sought me with a determined love.
I look back on the past year, and pretty much a lot of my life, and my heart breaks for who I was. I am not sure I know her all that well anymore, and for that I am overjoyed. It is sad though, the lost girl I used to be. Sad in a way that truly deep down breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Trying so hard to be something I never was intended to be. Becoming exhausted for all the wrong reasons. I was stressed beyond reason to try and find love and it landed me in the most horrible and miserable of places. My heart is still healing and as some might say, still bleeding a bit, but He is healing my wounds. (Self-inflicted or not) I want to tell her she is loved. That she has been set apart as Holy, but she wouldn't listen I know.
My soul truly does well up with praise. Why me? I'm not really sure, but I am blessed beyond measure, beyond reason, beyond qualification. We serve a mighty Holy and simply put amazing God. I wish my soul was at liberty to share with all of you the miracles He has performed in my life. I don't think I have even been able to process them all.
The road is long before me in this process of striving to become more like my Father, but with the strength I desperately beg from Him, He will make my life fruitful. For His glory. He is faithful. My God is faithful to save.

Trinkles of delight...

2009-09-10T19:46:00.001-07:00

Wow- its been a long long time. Well not really just like a week or so, therefore not totally clear as to where to start....
Went to the beach. I love the beach love love love it. I know this may be hard to believe, but this is the first time my friends have ever invited me to the beach. It was stinkin' amazing. I usually go with the family and that's fun, but well you know fun of a different sort. Neways...we just relaxed. I didn't get as tan as I normally do, but that seems to be less and less important as I get older. I need to add here that I was graciously asked to go because Brandi's husband Shane decided to go to Cleveland (lame), but fantastic for me. We walked around Rosemary beach, which is a delightful little beach town. Kinda like some part of Italy dropped down into the good portion of Flordia. Here's a little info on it if you'd like to take a gander. Honestly, I think it might be one of the greatest places I've ever tromped around. It tops my list on places I really want to stay. We ate at a really good restaurant called Paradis. It was pretty close to the definition of its name. Brandi and I shared this amazing chocolate cheesecake for desert with french press coffee. Now that's something to be thankful for. It was just great food, fantastic conversation and godly fellowship. Couldn't have ever deserved such a blessing.

I stole some pics from everybody so I'm gonna put some on here, well just so you can get the general awesomeness idea.
The beach...you know, crystal clear waters, slight breeze. Amazing.

The History Channel and the Mayans- I mean seriously what get's better? Clearly Brandi and I think little does.

Okay so I had to put this on here. Our last day we stopped at Amavida coffee. Fantatic coffee and lattes by the way and these two kids had these matching hats on. Had to take a picture of that. No explanation needed.Reid Chapman- and yes he kept the sunglasses on of his own free stylin.

For now, that's it. My soul wells up with thanksgiving.

Macaroons, Fish, Chips...Well Europe I guess?

2009-08-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. Ah today-good. Ruthie's birthday party was tonight and it was just fabulous. I really love these guys. Malinda made the best macaroons. Seriously delicious. If I had a picture I would post them, but I did tell Mal that I would post a pic of one of the greatest dessert eating experiences I have ever had. Laduree. Paris. Just me. Here is their website. This is for the one I went to. The site is in French, but basically they started in 1862, serious, when Paris was well let's just saying going through a "nouveau visage" or a face lift. My obsession with them started when I lived in Paris. I could never get anyone to go with me( I'll be honest these little guys are pretty pricey.). So finally on one of my trips back I said the heck with this I'm gonna just go by myself. So I had a great cup of coffee some macaroons and just watched all the old parisian women talk so politely and sip their own cups. It was kinda raining outside. The experience I will remember I think forever. Here's a picture of my plate afterwards. Yum.
So I've been having a lot of conversations about Europe lately and I'm not sure why, but I just love love love talking about traveling. So the next few posts will probably include some travel tips and let's call it some European fun.

Today I'm also really thankful for honest friends. I have some of the best one's around. I feel really loved. There is a trust there that really can only be explained when the Lord has nurtured a relationship.

Finally, since this is a great deal about food- my friend Nicole invited me over the other night for fish and chips. I thought duh? Fish-good. Chips-good. Beer-good. Company-good. So in the fashion that sometimes happens, Nicole bought the "stuff" (fish, chips, beer) and when cooking time came in, well Jonathan got his hands on it. People- it's amazing. I am really blessed to have friends who can cook so good. So instead of cod, we used catfish. Fantastic. It was beer-battered then deep fried. Jonathan made this incredible sauce, as the usual, we ate and I have never bought anything so good. Now my clothes do still smell like fried food, but I highly recommend either trying this out or getting to know Jonathan.

2009-08-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while and that's pretty normal for me. Consistency is not something that readily comes to me. But here is to my try. So today- I'm thankful for brokenness. I know- it's a struggle to even say without sounding overwhelmingly cheesey. It's true though. Deep down brokenness. I have no NO idea what the Lord is doing with my life, but I know I have never been more moldable than I am right now. Anything and everything he is going to do in my life- it's all Him. I have nothing and bring nothing to the table. So here's my procolmation to the world, my life, it's His. Anything that comes from me, anything worthy of praise or recognition, it's him. I have nothing to do with it. This is not self-deprication, its fact. It is for the first time seeing myself it the light of who he is and who I am. The glory within me is from the almighty sovereign Lord. I am so thankful He brings wisdom to my heart. Glory to you Gracious Lord. I rejoice in your future provision and your momentary sustaining.

On a few different notes....
1. Take a gander at this blog if you have the chance. Nancy Wilson has been entrusted with much wisdom from the Father, and I am so thankful that I can glean from what the Lord is teaching her. http://femina.reformedblogs.com/
2. Listen to the new Imogen Heap album. She is absolutely fantastic. Not a bad song on the album really. Some are better than others, but all are immensely entertaining.
3. The new Needtobreathe is pretty good to, if you are itchin for some new music.

Exciting faithfulness

2009-08-23T21:42:00.001-07:00

Right now I am so thankful that the Lord has protected me from bitterness. I have seen it quietly go in, without notice even, and tear people's lives apart. Maybe it tore mine apart for a while but the Lord has freed me from it. And I in no way could ever think that I have kept myself from this creeping monster. The sovereign Lord has done this, for his glory I can only imagine.
I hate this for people- bitterness. It's like they don't even notice its there really. I mean I guess I didn't really know it was there until it was too late, and I had let it quench my soul. It is something though that must be constantly prayed against. I have to boldly go before the throne and ask the Father for continued strength and wisdom. It is NO lie that the enemy comes to kill steal and destroy- it is so true. If only we could grasp how much he, the clever cunning one, desires to lure us away with momentary treats and temporary thrills. If only we could see this sooner, but the mighty God has a plan even in satan's scheming. Nothing is out of the Father's hand. Nothing.
So even though these past few days have been tough there is so much to rejoice in. He alone is faithful and all good things come from him. His faithfulness excites me-truly.

Right as rain?

2009-08-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well first and foremost, not to sound overwhelmingly corny- but I am so thankful for the rain. Everybody remember the days of our Alabama drought? Crazy. Well I love it. Something quite soothing to the soul I think. Makes, well forces you, to just slow down a bit. Speaking of rain, Adele (who is excellent by the way if you haven't heard) sings a song called "Right as Rain". Pretty telling I think. Listen here . I'm not sure if anybody actually reads this, but if they do I'd like to know what you think about this song. Let's be honest, or just me for that matter, this is how my dating life has well, always been. (Not the bed part- gees. But pretty much the sentiment.) Wow- thank the Lord for his protection, provision, forgiveness and grace. Looking at my dating life will throw anyone into a full on thanksgiving feast. Moving on before I get out the kleenex.

OH Cosumel Grill- you know just what I need. So tonight one of my oldest and dearest friends who just so happens to be named Cara as well, had dinner with me tonight. I had Burrito Picoso. It was incredible. This steak burrito in an enchilada sauce, stuffed with cheese and rice and beans. I mean I am not sure anyone can surmount the service and the food of this little gem located on 31's Shelby Mart. I love it. Please go. I have no doubt that you will be extremely pleased.

I don't know what I'm doing...So I should stop.

2009-08-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

So I am thankful that when life throws you some pretty severe trials that it doesn't destroy the spirit. In fact, scripture says that trials make us even more alive. So honest to goodness I finally understand what the Lord was saying through James. Now I, not meaning me, but the Holy Spirit giving me wisdom through immense suffering.
It's hard- Meredith and I were talking the other night and I was telling her how thankful I am to be totally broken. Like really really broken. Not that religious term so much of "pop-christianity" has turned it into. That brokeness where you aren't sure if people are going to talk to you anymore, when you have such severe moments of recognizing your own sinfulness that without Christ it would be overwhelming. That type of brokeness where the world seems new again because you no longer are the same person. You have been broken- like a vase and it is never the same once its been shattered into a million pieces. Now this is a completely bizarre sentiment- I get that. Grateful that I have made such a mess of things and so thankful that I am not any of my old self anymore. But here's the deal I am pretty sure that there is no other way I would have learned so much of who the Father is if not for these trials. Now most of them were of my own disobedience but how my soul wells up with joy in the fact that SOVEREIGN Almighty God can use even my own sinfulness to bring me to himself. It's amazing. If that doesn't make you want to tell the lady at Taco Bell or the girl standing in line with you at Target about Christ, not sure what will. It is such good news. It is so good for my wretched soul to know I can admit my total depravity and rest in the fantastic power of God. How could I not be thankful for that for the rest of my life?
I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write this, seeing as how this is why I wanted to even start blogging again. But c'est la vie, right?

Ah and thankful for some amount of self-discipline. I start the gym tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Now in my head I am gonna have a kickin body free of all health ailments and capable of doing any physical activity that I so desire, but I know this will not be true. There will be good days and bad. But the fantastic thing is, is the gym is so nice :) Love it. Love it.

And finally- saw "Julie and Julia". Fantastic. So thankful to a woman who did not give up. Did not falter. Did not compromise. Julia Child- thank you, you have a resilient spirit. You make me want to cook better and more often. What a gem.

Auburn Football...that's right, I said it.

2009-08-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

Saturdays-How can you not be thankful for Saturdays? I really love them in the fall and yes I am going to say it-FOOTBALL!!! I can't wait. Things are pretty different this year, we have a new coach and I'm just not really sure about the quarterback. To say I'm nervous, well that's silly. I love to watch the game. I love the crowds. I love the traditions. I've been going to Auburn football games since, well since before I could remember. When we first started going you could tailgate wherever your little heart desired. Then Big Brother took over and for heaven's sake you have to park ten miles away take the TigerTransit in to the stadium. I don't know its just gotten sort of ridiculous, but this is not the place for that. Not gonna do it folks, not gonna get mad.
I'm so thankful my alma mater is full of rich traditions, culture. Here are a few:
1. Tiger- no not really a tiger but our eagle.
2. Tailgaiting before and after the game! The relaxed way.
3. War.......Eagle. Hey!
4. Wearing Orange
5. Rollin Toomer's Corner

And I think herein lies the problem, I am so familiar with my Auburn culture that I can't tell you all the things we do. Well here's to you AU. I love ya!

Friends new and old

2009-08-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

So I mentioned being really thankful for friends and if you are like me...I LOVE seeing pictures on people's blogs. So here are few of my most favorite people. A few.

This is Sarah. We rode the bus together in middle school and since a we were graciously selected to be on the "late bus" we sat around in the caf about an hour after school let out. We became pretty tight. We kinda lost touch when we enter the big pivotal years of high school, but low and behold 10th grade career fair. I was clearly overwhelmed or maybe underwhelmed I am now realizing and was sitting on the floor of the library. Sarah came over and plopped down beside me. "I think we could be best friends" - Sarah's words to me. And from there we were pretty inseparable. I love her dearly. She has always welcomed me with hospitablity.
This is Erin. Our first encounter, well let's just say it wasn't the best. Back of a 15-passenger van. I was 20, Erin was 19- She thought I hated her and I thought she was some rude girl from Texas. She probably remembers the details better than I do. That's pretty normal. Some of the best memories...Erin and I decided to run during one of our summers. Every morning during camp. Like 5 o'clock in the a.m. Crazy we were, but it was a lot of fun. New York- we picked out her outfit for her first date with Ben. Super big deal! I love her dearly. She has loved me through it all.

This is Meredith. From the beginning I knew the Lord had placed Meredith in my life intentionally. She was in the classroom right across the hall. I was getting my room ready a few days before school and I saw that there were a few people across the hall. Jonathan, Meredith's boyfriend at the time, was unstacking all the desks and helping her just get things ready. I remember after our first week we both sat down in some desks in my room after a very long Friday and couldn't believe we had made it. She has loved me in a way only the Lord could. She knows all my faults. Has spoken truth into my life in love and has opened her family up to me. I love her with all my heart. I love her children. I can't really express how the Lord has used this friend in my life, but my heart resounds with thanksgiving for Meredith.
Karra. If this was anybody else they would kill me for putting up this picture- but it's Karra and that is only one of the reasons I love her. She is my oldest friend. Karra and I met when we were 4 years old, growing up in Montgomery. We were roommates at Auburn, have traveled Europe together, and to be honest I'm not sure if I could have done this with many other people. I was in the room when her second girl, Sarah Elizabeth, was born. Her home is like my second home. I feel safe and loved there. I can always count on her home to be a place of refuge and relaxation. We've been through a lot together and needless to say she knows a great deal about me.
Katie Moon. Been friends for a really long time. Some of the funniest memories are our beach trip or when she sat through every baseball game my senior year in high school so I could watch my boyfriend sit on the bench. That's commitment people. She makes me laugh and I am so thankful for that. She is super talented. I'm sure you know!

FEMA camps what?

2009-08-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

wow. community. tonight felt a little like college and it was AWESOME! i went over to a friend's house and we started a Bible study on Daniel. It was the first time in a long time that I was really diving into the word on an intimate level. It was fantastic. Challenging and totally invigorating. So here's a little personal thank you: Brandi, Senia, and Ruthie- thank you for being my friend. I am so glad I am yours.

Thankful to feel like myself again. been a long long long time coming but it feels really great. decided to start some type of running again. as much as i don't think i like discipline, apparently i was created for some type of it so thinking about running again. who knows but it is a goal tonight.

thankful for safe places to learn and grow and discover more through His word. that is priceless.

thankful to not be a loose canon like Hilary C. Gees lady loosen up!

thankful for some money in the bank to pay those bills. (however dwendeling it may be.)

really thankful for new friendships- Laura, thank you for reaching out. really thankful for old ones.

Thankful that right now I am not in a FEMA camp (thank you Senia and Brandi).

And honest to goodness I am just really thankful for freedom, in this country and in my life. fear is no place to be, let's be honest.

2009-08-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

Jane Austen. Today I am thankful for Jane. Watched "Persuasion" tonight and it was great. Really great. I was almost knocked on my you-know-what because of the character of the leading man. For those of you that don't know- he resolves himself to marry someone he does not have feelings for because "inadvertently" he has led her on. He realizes he would not be able to stand the thought of taking someone's heart to a place where it was not intended and so he decides his duty is to ask for her hand in marriage. Now I am not saying that I wished every guy who led me on had asked for my hand, but he probably should have and don't you think it would make us think a lot harder about flirting and our own intentions if these were the standards we were held to? I love it. There's a lot to get from this and when I have more time...well you know.

Candles. I stopped by Yucatan, behind the summit. They make their own candles. The big ones are $9 and they will refil them for $5. The scents are incredible. I mean seriously good. There is something a great candle does to a room. Just love it. Olive Blossom is fantastic. They have smaller ones you can buy as well that are $5. The big ones should last up to 60 hours.

Music and Hamburgers

2009-08-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, do you remember Ben Fold Five's song "Brick"? Its really a great song. Ok- right, super sad, but really really good. Which leads me to some of my thankfuls for today. Good music. I love discovering new music and just remember good stuff. Today, I feel like people have lost all desire to be creative and mostly true and honest. You know what I mean? I mean yes- people can be well shocking, but mixing lyrics to coincide with crecendos and rhythm. Its great. A few songs I would encourage checking out right now:
1. "Poison and Wine" by the Civil Wars http://www.myspace.com/thecivilwars
2. "Sex and ReRuns" by Matt Duke http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3wqxJznmaA
( a little note about this one- the lyrics are fantastically honest. Its just really good.I could say a lot about this song- but that's another post and it might really be.)

Movin on- I am thankful for a quick easy awesome hamburger. Five Guys has one of the best burgers I've ever had. Its just superb. I go with the "little chesseburger". Nothing else needs to be said except if you go- INVITE ME. Gracious if you haven't been- go.

Finally, I'm glad for the Lord's faithful hand. He never gives up and his truth is really so much better than anything else. There just really isn't any argument here. Its just fact.

The Beginning...

2009-05-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

Two cups of coffee. Mika playing that Cirque du Soleil song in the background. Interesting atmosphere. Nonetheless, this is my new blog. Welcome I guess. I wanted it to have some specific aim, but I guess the thing it will have most is a grateful, broken tone. Two of the things that resound in me right now. So I am going to try and post everyday. Some days will probably be funny and some days, well let's be honest, who really knows. But honesty- yeah that will be here. I'm a little tired of ignoring reality and I have done that for MOST of my life. So nothing manufactured here.
I'll probably post some old entries on here from time to time, cause some of them I like. I'm not that funny or clever for that matter so if that is what you are looking for, sorry, probably the wrong place for that. Here's the deal though, I was stuck, utterly stuck, on 280 and I started wondering why people blog. Why do we care about people we may never see? You know that moment at a dinner or sometime you all finally plan something to get together? That moment where you know things about the person sitting to your left that they never told you but you read on-line, that they wrote for that matter? Its weird, right? It's kinda like, "Hey I know all of this about you and I'd like to say something about how I'm sorry your grandmother died last week, but I feel a bit like a stalker." We want community. That's what it all boils down to. But here's the problem, we don't really do the work. We don't freakin' talk to each other. Face to face. I mean yeah that's awesome you went to breakfast this morning and had fantastic buckwheat pancakes, but what's it to me? Don't get me wrong, I don't mean this in some angry, "What's everybody's problem?" way. I'm just saying it's pretty obvious what's going on.
Alright, I know what you are thinking- You are writing a blog. Yeah you're right. And inherently there is nothing wrong with that. I learn a lot from some great blogs, but I don't want to use them to manufacture relationships. Let's be honest, blogs don't call you when you've had a bad day. They don't invite you to dinner or lunch or a buckwheat pancake breakfast for that matter. The enemy is clever and loves to make us feel like we have intimacy without ever noticing we are growing further and further from the truth. Gracious we have to wake up! We have to strive and fight for community. Yeah, its work to check on our friends. Sure it's easier to just check facebook and randomly e-mail someone. But it is so dangerous. Believe me- this one knows.
SO...here's the thankful part. I am thankful for a good friend inviting me to be a part of a Bible study she is having at her house. I am excited about being in the word and diving in. And for something funny...here's an old post. I like it. It makes me laugh. Be warned, this was a few years ago.

So it all started a long time ago and I still can’t exactly figure out when it all got to this point. The point where my heart seems to be fighting religiously against my rational brain, the point where once the clock reaches 9 on the east coast I can conclude he is not going to call anymore. Then I am okay. The rollercoaster of trying to figure out how to be okay, okay with my “current situation”, lives on. Now my current situation seems to have lasted for the past three years, the “after college years.” These were supposed to be awesome, but I guess there were a lot of things that were “supposed” to happen that haven’t. I was supposed to fall InLove, get married, and not be this broken piece of pottery that sits trying desperately to figure this all out so as to not go crazy.

I am a merging of Carrie from Sex and the City and Bridget from her most intimate and ridiculous diaries. What has happened to me and where am I? Carrie on her computer analyzing her most current dating relationships, aloof of her heart’s deepest desires and completely content buying shoes and sitting at brunch discussing the latest “themed” date. Yet she is running around NYC trying adamantly to forget the one she can’t. That is what we do, isn’t it? We run around and try to forget yet to only bring us to the point of complete remembrance. Can we ever rationalize our heart into the sane decisions?

And then there is Bridge…Oh the Bridget in me sits alone in my apartment listening to John Mayer and wondering if my body will ever be a wonderland? My thighs are too big and I will never be tall enough to not have to hem my pants. I dream over someone who loved me once and has seemed to completely forgotten my existence. So I go on ridiculous dates to forget him, dates with utter losers who will never measure up to any standard I set for them. These are things not expected in the current dating world, I am too romantic, too open, too trusting, too much. That is the problem with dating, it is this abyss that people get sucked into and it is lonely and confusing and hard. Why do people do it?

I went on this date with a guy named Sam. He is this hot shot soccer player who tries to act like he is quiet and conservative and such a catch. So he calls and I am intrigued. Then he calls and calls and calls- a bit clingy even for me I think. But I say, let’s get out there Cara- give him a chance. So I do even though he has sent clear signs that he is not at all what the Lord created for me, I think, he might surprise me. So he text messages me all day the day of the date, and I feel totally suffocated. (Not normal…) But I think come on let’s go on this date, it might not be bad. So we spend most of the evening talking about how essentially we don’t go together, he likes to sleep with his girlfriends, I am waiting for the "surprise I'm really great" moment. And so the night progresses on from there and we chat and I mark it up to a learning experience. Yet, in the meantime I figure out that I am starting to be attracted to him. He is the only guy who has even had the guts to ask me out in the past three years. So what if he is it? Well come to find out that was it, he never called and we only saw each other in passing every now and then…

Why would I ever want to do that again? The gut is a funny thing. It never gets enough credit for what it does. I knew good and well that I should not go out with this douche bague, but I did anyway and there I am standing in the rain completely soaked and looking like a drowned rat. Stupid and lame. Not at all the way I wanted to go out. I wanted to scream to him that I did him a favor by going out with him in the first place! “You are too good to date me,” were his famous last words and I agree buddy. So why do we sit in our apartments and wonder when he is going to call and what is wrong with us if he doesn’t? Why? For the sake of all that is great and splendid in the world why would we wonder why a complete jerk doesn’t call? Why is it so important for that phone to ring? We are better off. Truly and utterly better off. Right? Alone and better off? Alone.